Figure 11.1 Sandra Brewster, ‘We Gather’ (animation still) included in ‘A Trace | Evidence of Time Past’, 2016–2017, charcoal on paper.

Figure 11.2 The Bullen family in Guyana, 1963. Brewster Family Collection.

Figure 11.3 My mother Carmen Brewster (then Bullen) arrived in Canada in December 1968. Brewster Family Collection.

1The following essay is adapted from A Trace | Evidence of Time Past, my 2017 thesis for the Master of Visual Studies degree at the University of Toronto. I examine the move of my family from Guyana to Toronto, through an expansion, in part, of techniques that I have been developing over time as an artist working with the photograph. The process of producing photographs using gel transfer is a time-consuming and laborious one. The pushing and pulling, rubbing and buffing assists in the removal of a covering layer of paper to reveal an image that now consists of creases, folds, and an emptiness where ink did not adhere. This process comprises a movement from one place to another place, an image that goes through a change. This change expresses a passage of time and offers a suggestion of untold stories and a deeper investigation into people and their experiences.

2A Trace is grounded within the context of transfer: A move from one place to another. Relying on my memory and the memories of my parents, aunts, uncles, and my grandmother, I attempt to trace their journey from Guyana to Toronto and reflect upon the impact of this move on them and subsequent generations. Their stories have influenced the way I’ve formed a relationship with home, and sometimes have given me reasons as to why my home, here in Canada, doesn’t always feel like home.

3 My family’s move to Canada interests me. Their decision shaped the rest of all of our lives, forever. Some shared stories, in the form of anecdotes, reflect their transfer from one place to another, and articulate how the shifts, switches, pushes, and pulls created adjustments to their identity. I suspect they leave an impression wherever they go, imprinting themselves in spaces of work, in hallways of high schools and universities, and on the stool of the bar they frequented one night a week. They also form Canadian organizations that bring Guyanese people together in order to embed their presence even further in the country. And when they have children, it is us who carry on their Guyanese ways no matter how diluted or fractured they may be.

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4Auntie Elo, the eldest, left Guyana first to find a place for everyone to live and to figure out the lay of the land so that when the others came, she could direct them on what to do and where to do it. She was their orientation guide to Canada.

5This was the 1960s in the midst of the great influx of immigrants into the country. Guyana was not doing well economically, so my family took advantage of this opportunity to leave, despite how much they loved their country and their memories of how beautiful and thriving it once was. Over a period of time they organized themselves and headed north, hoping for a better quality of life for themselves and for anyone else who they imagined may come after.

6My mother had always wanted to be a journalist. She has shared this with me and my sister many times. My Aunt Elo acted in the Theatre Guild in Guyana along with other members of the family. In my opinion, my father had the potential of being a really great draftsman. His desk-sized pad of graph paper was always covered with sketches of basement and bar designs and the occasional random drawing.

7Sacrifices may have been made in order for these folks to establish themselves here—making choices that diverge away from their own true interests.

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8I asked Mom to report on the movement of the family from Guyana:

Gloria (who we call Elo), the oldest of the nine children born to Albert and Adelaide Bullen, left Guyana and settled in Toronto, Canada.
Conrad, the second oldest, joined the British Army while the Army was based in Georgetown Guyana on a peacekeeping assignment. After he joined the forces he was based in Germany and wherever the army sent him. I think it was in the Falkland Islands where he shot himself while cleaning his weapon. This injury damaged one of his lungs and he had that removed. He left the army and worked until retirement at Electric Company in London. He and his wife Denise lived in Kent, England, for several years then retired to Barbados, West Indies.
The third and fourth oldest left Guyana in 1967 and settled in Toronto, Canada. They went to live with the oldest, Gloria, at Ava Manor located at Bathurst and Eglinton.
On a bitterly cold, wintery night in December 1968, Joy and Carmen arrived and went to live at Ava Manor with Gloria, Una, and Raymond. The apartment was a two-bedroom at $159.00 per month.
Gloria, Raymond, and Una had jobs, so Gloria took Joy and Carmen to the Employment and Immigration Department the morning after arrival for them to apply for work.
Our father had passed away in 1968 and Mom was left in Guyana with the three youngest children, Sharon, Stephen, and Pauline.
Mom and the three arrived in March 1969 and we all moved to a three-bedroom townhouse (newly built) at Bathurst and Steeles. Soon a couple of friends moved in. Mom was in the habit of taking in friends who were new to Canada or had no family in Canada. There was always a full house, not unlike the way we lived in Guyana.
Una was engaged to Lennox Valladares. Lennox came to Canada on Una’s sponsorship in early 1970 and they were soon married and moved to Gamble Avenue in the city. They later moved to Lawrence Avenue and Keele Street then to Burlington.
Leyland Brewster arrived in Canada on Carmen’s sponsorship in May 1970 and they were married in August 1970. They stayed with the family at Bathurst Street and Steeles Avenue, later moving to Keele Street then Wilson Avenue, where the first child Sandra was born, then to Shaughnessy Boulevard, where Deborah was born. They moved once more, then to Malvern. When the children were nine and seven the family moved to Pickering, Ontario.
Maxey Bullen, a first cousin, and his fiancée Myrna Ogle came in 1969 and married that year. They lived in the city.

9Eventually, one by one, siblings started moving out and my Gran moved to a new apartment in the Don Mills area. She made a living babysitting and eventually went to Burlington to live with Aunt Una, Uncle Lennox, and my two cousins, Tanya and Dion. And life just kept moving forward. Others would get married and the family continued to grow.

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10Whenever I ask an older person from the Caribbean—who came here during that same period of the late 1960s or early 1970s—to describe some of their first experiences in Canada, they often tell a variation of one story. Almost every time, someone shares their feelings upon seeing another person who ‘looks like them.’

11Unlike my family, many people came on their own, knowing only one or a few others. So, of course there was this urgent need to make new friends.

12Depending on who I talk to, the scenario varies: walking down a street, grocery shopping, in the hallways of a new job. They all expressed an urgent need to perform some grand gesture like jumping the railing and risking a fall as they lunge downward towards the stranger to find out.

Where are you from?
When did you arrive?
Where do you live?
Where do you work?
Where are you going now?

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13Iimagine my mom and dad, aunts and uncles, my grandmother—their bodies one by one and in various clusters at various intervals descending the steps of the plane... slightly shivering.

14I wonder... How did the cold air feel on your cheeks? Flying in for that landing at Toronto International Airport—what did you think of the view from above?

15And did you know what your next step would be?

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16My head is full of fractured memories formed from the stories told to me.

17I can vividly share tales of Jeff, the family dog, chasing Uncle Maxey up the side of the house on East Street as he attempted to enter through the window past curfew. I remember Aunt Una protecting my mother by beating up school bullies after class then pushing them into the trenches on the side of the road. I can hear Aunt Joy’s long piercing scream that traveled throughout the school hall just before the Head Mistress slapped her with a ruler in the palm of her hand for misbehaving.

18I can feel the cool breeze by the Seawall where young lovers meet to sit and steal kisses. And I remember my grandmother picking fights with my grandfather, then leaving for the country where she would stay with her family for days and return with bundles of food and clothes for all the children.

19I can feel the danger of cycling over uneven dirt roads, I can see the sunsets of the tropics, I can hear the sounds of small creatures at night, I can taste sapodilla, mango, papaya, aurora.

Figure 11.4 Sandra Brewster, Stabroek Market from Place in Reflection, 2016, gel medium image transfer on wood panel.

Figure 11.5 Sandra Brewster, Cathedral, from Place in Reflection, 2016, gel medium image transfer on wood panel.

20 Mom makes the country sound like a place of great wonders of the world:

Kaiteur Falls is the tallest natural one drop in the world! Bourda Market has the best fruit! Stabroek Market the best vegetables!
Our wooden cathedral is the most beautiful and it is the tallest wooden cathedral in the world! Our Botanical Gardens was the most lush!
The interior is the Amazon Jungle, you know! Don’t walk in alone, not even one foot. You will be lost forever! It is dense and home to wild and dangerous animals!
The Essequibo and Demerara—these rivers are expansive. They flow forever and the water is a unique shade of brown, stained from the leaves of the surrounding trees.

21Talking over each other, often loud, standing up with arms outstretched, motioning to demonstrate an experience, performing a scene that occurred over forty years ago! Each trying, for the umpteenth time, to convince the other that their version of the memory is correct. Each trying to convince us that they are correct. However, I recognized that they were not only attempting to one up each other; they were teaching us about back home.

22They want us to experience what they experienced by flying us there, on the backs of their words.

23I know they believe that we’ve missed out on something unique and rich. Possibly as rich as the brown color of the Essequibo; as rich as the complexity of the forest full of exotic animals, insects, and vegetation.

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24Ileaf through old photographs delicately. I am always careful not to fray the edges, crease and fold the corners, or fingerprint the surface. The ones in our family are securely arranged and gathered in photo albums, envelopes, and boxes and stashed away safely waiting for us to find them when moments of nostalgia arise.

25Sharing these books with new visitors, friends, and family is always exciting—and, at times, embarrassing—as we flip through the pages, attempting to identify places and people at different stages of their life. The experience feels like tracing the past. On every turn of a page the spine whines and creeks, revealing its age.

26As I continue to scrutinize each picture, my fondness grows for these little pieces of paper memories. They are precious. When I look at the adults depicted, younger than I am now, I stare at their faces, expressions, and stances. I am so curious about what they carried with them, and what they left behind.

27 Over the years I’ve selectively lifted old photographs from various family albums. In the pictures, young people are presented in the trendy styles of their day, wearing yellow ochre turtlenecks, baby blue bell bottoms and big afros, looking slim and fresh from the Caribbean. The pictures are, for the most part, happy—full of joy and contentment. I can feel the excitement of a new adventure and a feeling of ‘bring it on! ’ These pictures, taken not long after their arrival in Toronto from Guyana, convey an air of preparation with a ‘what is next?’ wonderment flowing through each scene.

28Each picture is followed by an ellipsis.

29And this is what inspires me. The pictures depict people who are not familiar with this new world that they’ve entered. With courage and intentionality, determined to move forward, they brought their full selves—what they left behind, who they are presently, and all the while looking forward to what is to come.

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30... we come full of ourselves—who we are and will become.1

Figure 11.6 Granny and my cousin Tanya, 1974. Brewster Family Collection.

31My grandmother brought her full self here. I learned about the generous actions that she practiced in Guyana, then in Toronto. Granny welcomed family, friends, and strangers who ventured in and out of her home in Guyana. She encouraged a culture of hospitality, sharing, and generosity that continued during the early days in Toronto. People would pass through my grandmother’s home for initial assistance from her or her children, their introduction to the city made easier.

32 Within the first few years of arriving in Toronto, over forty years ago, my mother and her friends started an organization that is now called The Seniors Guyanese Friendship Association. Wanting to facilitate a feeling of comfort within their parents, they created spaces and situations of active engagement for these senior Guyanese. New to the country and living in neighborhoods across Toronto, some did not even know that their good friends from back home were living in the same city! They reunited through weekly gatherings, brunches, dinners, dances, and excursions.

33Over the years the seniors have traveled abroad and throughout Ontario, attending different events—plays at Stratford Festival, wine tasting in Niagara-on-the Lake and Prince Edward County. They experience the landscapes of places they would probably not have otherwise seen. They schedule meetings with city councilors to learn how to access services, police officers for safety tips, and health professionals for direction on good nutrition and exercise. Once a month they go bowling. And at the beginning of every Saturday meetup, they recite a prayer, then sing a song that wishes their community well. They also camp. Tug of War is the last game played before leaving the campgrounds after days of camaraderie. They pull and tug, using all of their strength, carefully, concluding their time together with this grand gesture.

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34The first Caribbean Festival in Toronto of 1967, that many still call Caribana (as it was previously known before its name changed due to corporate sponsorship), was also a gesture of generosity—a gift from the Caribbean community to Canada on its one hundredth birthday. I see this gift as an action that permanently transferred the community’s existence onto the city, creating an undeniable presence in Canadian history.

35Caribana invoked a strength of presence when thousands of people paraded along the streets of downtown Toronto. They first gathered at Varsity Stadium, then traveled east along Bloor Street, south on Yonge Street, turned right on Queen Street and completed the celebration in Nathan Phillips Square. This was where the backdrop of the then new City Hall became a symbol solidifying the presence of the Caribbean community. The people involved represent the same generation of people who are depicted in the collections of photographs I’ve compiled throughout the years.

36My mom hustled us together and dressed us in comfortable, cool clothing; she made sure the laces of our running shoes were tied tight and our bellies full before heading out. It was the first weekend of August and like every year we were on our way downtown to celebrate in the streets for Caribana. For that entire Saturday afternoon on University Avenue people filled the width of the street from sidewalk to sidewalk. Loud calypso and soca erupted from gargantuan speakers of sound systems heavy on top of glitter-laden truck platforms elevated up high. Many of these trucks carried live bands backed up by dancers, followed by a troop of revelers. From above I’m sure we looked like a colony of a zillion ants bouncing up and down, all heading in the same direction.

37The colors were intensely vibrant, the feathers from costumes wildly swayed back and forth so high they swept the bellies of clouds above. People wore masks twisted and contorted into exaggerated expressions, and large-scale wire sculptures jook-jooked upwards in rhythm to the sounds of the steel pan. We all moved together, we all moved south. The major streets had their own side movements—up... down... up... and down—as people entered and exited the College, Dundas, Osgoode, and St. Andrew subway stations. If they were not exiting or entering, they were simply looking for a roti or a dish of cook-up on the sides and corners of the streets—food necessary to keep up one’s energy for the jump-up that was the parade.

38At some point in between the greeting of family and friends, the nibbling of a patty, and Mom hollering at us to follow along, my sister and I would escape into the throngs of people following the bands. Each person was always situated very close to the next person, and while the bodies moved to the music, I felt mine rise. A slow, eventual ascent... upward. There were times when my feet were not even touching the ground! Amazed, I’d laugh and simply enjoy being carried away.

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39Ilike old photographs because of their tactile characteristics. The glossy surface, the cracks in the image and the borders around the pictures transfer a feeling of time. I can feel them before I pick them up. More recent photographs seemed to have become pristine and sharp—the nostalgic qualities found not only in the depictions but felt in the materiality of the photograph are gone.

40I don’t know anyone who prints photographs anymore. My mom tried to hold onto the practice. It took her a while to move on from her point-and-shoot film camera. ‘It takes really good pictures, ’ she would insist again and again whenever we went on a trip. She still uses it at times although she has been getting used to the camera on her phone, convinced that it also takes really good pictures.

41Markings from subtle creases, tears, folds, and bent corners are a result of their journey from hand to hand, box to box, house to house, and from page to page as bookmarks. I think that these qualities assist with a deeper reading of the content. The pictures become ghostly, depicting the essence of the people in the photograph, not only their form. The physical markings of these pictures have me reading beyond the surface. Rather than simply enjoying the recognition of who is in the picture and admiring the scene, I wonder about their past, present, and future. It is as though I’m reading a story within the frame.

Figure 11.7 Pauline, Sharon, and Gloria, posing on a hill in the Guyana interior (unknown year). Brewster Family Collection.

Figure 11.8 In the background is the work Town Girls a Top the Hill, based on the photograph above (Fig. 11.7). In the foreground on the left is Heirloom, my sister’s jar of currents and fruits soaking in rum and wine in preparation for Black Cake. On the right, hanging from the ceiling are images of the Essequibo River transferred to mylar. A Trace | Evidence of Time Past (installation view), 2017. Art Museum, University of Toronto Art Centre, Master of Visual Studies, University of Toronto, Canada. Photo by Toni Hafkenscheid.

Figure 11.9 My sister Debbie (age three) and me (age five) in our house in Malvern, 1978. Brewster Family Collection.

42 Heirloom (Fig. 11.8) is a jar that contains the ingredients that are processing together, a form of transfer as well, to make Black Cake. Rum, wine, cherries, fruit, and currents soak for months; ingredients that have a complex history in and of themselves are still used to bring Caribbean communities together. This jar is my sister’s jar (Fig. 11.9) and she is the baker of this cake. The cultural tradition has transferred down to her. I personally am unaware of anyone of my generation who makes Black Cake.

43This makes the jar very special. Special in terms of its content and the importance that it brings to bonding communities and within the context of a contemporary exhibition it represents something that possibly only those who are acquainted with it would recognize. I see the jar as a symbol of presence.

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44No sitter needed. We would jump into the backseat of the Malibu and ride with our parents to their basement parties. Intentional or not, these nights taught us about community and the importance of sticking together. Everyone who attended was a member of our extended family.

45We grew up with aunts, uncles, and cousins who are not found in our blood line. Some cousins were called aunts and uncles because they were much older. Uncle Maxey, for example, is a cousin, not an Uncle. But I couldn’t imagine calling him ‘Maxey.’ And ‘Cousin Maxey’ just seems odd, and lacks the respect that Uncle suggests.

46Aunt Sharon likes to collect family. She introduces us to random people at random events with an air of absolute surprise at the discovery of their presence. Her famous method of introduction is presenting us as the child of someone ‘This is Carmen’s daughter!’ then, turning to me, ‘Mandy, this is So and So. She is the sister of So and So, your second cousin, daughter of our Uncle So and So.’ There are so many of these relatives introduced to us that I can’t keep track of who is who. I seldom pay attention during the introduction or I duck and escape when I see one about to happen.

47Aunt Sharon is excited by the vastness of our family, spread out across cities, provinces, and countries.

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48We stood along the busy shoreline. After some negotiating, making deals for how much and for how many, we climbed into a small blue and white speedboat. We were about to travel along the Essequibo River.

49I was disobeying my mother. ‘Don’t go into that speed boat, ’ she said waving her finger at me as I headed to Pearson Airport for Georgetown, Guyana with Aunt Joy. My aunt was taking the trip to reunite with a friend and with home. Like most of her siblings, she hadn’t been back for many years and invited me to join her.

50After a trip to the Essequibo years ago, my mom returned with stories of feeling unsteady and unsafe in the boat. I understood as we were all tilted back in the tiny vessel. Mom probably felt that at any point, at any time, there may be a bump or a sharp unexpected turn that would cause her to topple over into the river. She did not want to consider the possibility of me falling in either.

51The boat pulsated up and down as it sped along. The wind blew past and through us. We hung tight as the rapids grew stronger. The river is immense. At times, it was hard to take in, while teetering and tottering and struggling to steady myself. It was so loud that we were yelling at each other in order to be heard over the roar of the engine and the crash of the waves. Both at the same pitch.

52I peered up and allowed my eyes to follow the flock of birds swirling together, forming an elegant ‘S’ again and again.

53Eventually, we calmed as the river calmed, and, finally, sat in silence to experience the beauty and quiet of the Essequibo.

54The color of the water has been described as café au lait. The water is stained by the tannins from the leaves that fall from the surrounding trees, the vegetation, rocks and other naturally occurring elements—sediment that travels from shore to the depths of the river. So much happens below the surface.

55As we drifted in silence, our guide pointed towards a line in the river. He explained that the line divided two directions of flow. Each flow had a slightly different shade of brown. We traveled along one direction of flow, then crossed over to the other.

56As we moved from one line to the other, the boat slightly shifted and eventually flowed in the same direction as the water beneath us. Tiny laps of waves hit our sides then quieted as we fell in line. Like the piranhas swimming alongside, waiting to nibble on my fingertips, and the birds flying in tandem above, we all moved from one place to the next place together.

57Similar to a generation of people from the Caribbean who picked up and moved on to experience another life, an adventure that may have at times felt like a rush through rough waters.

Figure 11.10 Sandra Brewster, ‘We Gather’ (animation still) included in ‘A Trace | Evidence of Time Past’, 2016–2017. Charcoal on paper.